Writers Group critique (made me pissy)

If you are happy and you know it clap your hands!

And then FUCK OFF!

And then exit stage left, do not read the rest of this post, RUNAWAY, go scrub your hands to eradicate the beginnings of this post, or whatever you have to do, but just leave NOW. ASAP!

BEWARE.

This post isn't pretty.

Or Fun.

Go on your merry way, with your hard candy in your pocket, beer in hand, chocolate-lotta-love to give, your smile intact, Keep Your Hugs to Yourself, and Leave Immediately.

Click the BACK arrow on your computer RIGHT NOW.

Realize that if you are still brave enouhg to read the rest of this post, that I am QUITE PISSY...!

Because...(do read on, my friend, if you do insist that is)...

I was critiqued HARD tonight by an idiot writers group.

Freaks.

They just did NOT like my Cliffhanger Alien story.

SO.

I am going to critique THEM and any names in this posting is now their NEW ALIEN NAME.

What a bunch of slobbering idiots.

What a bunch of Snore-Bores.

What did Groucho Marx say again?

What was it?

That he NEVER wanted to be in a club (or in this case, my case, Writers Group) that would have him as a member.

Well I "coitainly" don't want to be in this particular Writers Group that would have me be one of their members.

Because, quite frankly, they suck.

They suck ass, they suck worms, they suck like voyeuristic vultures stuck to the carotid remaining arteries of sludge-vomit-vixen versimillitudes inside the vomitarium of Roman Gods and Goddesses and the leftover milky-white pain residue of anything left inside the bottom of my old grotesque college fridge...which again, isn't pretty and isn't for the faint-hearted.

It’s about 8:15 pm when I am writing this and I am a tad pissy because not only is my mortgage company blowing me off but this particular writer’s group sucked this evening.

They didn’t really warm up to my alien story, didn’t react nicely to the pace, stupid cow-faced bitch Blech!kkanna Blowhardt (such a great Alien name, isn't it?) didn’t like my story much or my word choices, neither did anyone else. She snapped her sharp teeth, gritted her grinchy nerves, rattled her rattlesnake voice and she hissed:

"I Don't Like Your Word Choices Much."

Then she burped and then hiccupped. Profusely.

Hmmm.

MAYBE THEIR BORING WRITING STYLE IS JUST TOO BORING FOR ME.

They all hated my pace and prejudged my future writing based on this and all I did was read the first chapter for gawd's sake. And it wasn't even that long.

But I don’t care, I WON’T be returning to THAT BORING ASS group.

I hate boring writers.

Especially those who do NOT like my stuff.

They cannot handle the FUNNESS of it. The thrill, the chill, the fun zip-zappiness of it all. They do not have any style themselves.

Perhaps they are actually just jealous and they have to put me down to rise up in a sordid bubble that will burble to the top of the boisterous billowy clouds, then burst! Ha! Then they fall, like the boring ass writers that they are.

Indeed.

Naturally, I will have dialogue in my writing and I DO have dialogue. Did Xenargk-Urpeeness Philzepott (another fabulous Alien name, what?!) just not get it? Or was it because I did not map out the quotes in the proper places?

Xenargk-Urpeeness Philzepott said to me, squinting squeamishly and squelching anything NICE, said slitheringly:

"Well, I am just not SURE about the pace, I think it's just TOO Fast for us, does it ever slow down? Hmmm?"

Then he paused to vomit, without even wiping his brown-yellow-green snort gurgles this time.

I must say that I was greatly offended.

He has absolutely no manners.

Naturally, my style IS different. Not everyone gets it.

I mean it made HIM vomit after all. And it made HER burp and hiccup continually.

My writing IS good. I know that it is.

So this lack of respect and lack of the LIKE, it just kinda pisses me off.

Bigtime.

I guess I am NEVER going back to the New-yuck Haven-ick group.

Pardon me while I burp. *URP*

Honestly, I thought Bonghdick Blongfick’s (yes a perfect name for this old Alien with a come-over for hair) story was BORING.

I also thought Xenargk-Urpeeness's story was BORING.

I also thought CarboCarBORla’s story BORED me but I am SO not her audience.

I also BET Blech!kkanna Blowhardt’s writing SUCKS too.

So are they even published – except for that one nice one who has gone unnamed?

Perhaps I am being overly sensitive, but why did that want to critique my pacing and wonder if the rest of my story will be having that same pace? Does it matter? Why do they judge just a little of my writing (chapter one) as the pacing for the whole thing?

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Enough already. Maybe they just wanted to make sure that I would not return. Well they got their fucking wish.

Oh well.

It’s over. I left early.

I do not care.

Not really. They are BORING writers. They are obviously not my audience. I do not merge or mix well with them.

The nice one is okay I guess.

It doesn’t matter and I know that not everything can be yippy skippy.

Tempted to put on Facebook how I am glad that I am not a boring writer. Like those others that just didn’t get my stuff tonight.

But then the nice one would see that and think that I am a snot. So won’t write that. Just won’t go back.

They will NOT be honored by my FUN writing any longer.