JOB-O-LA and Man Trouble

Yes, I still have my JOB JOB JOB that began in the midst of a Blizzard those first flush weeks of February, 2011. Ha! I feel Extremely Lucky. Next year I am devoting myself to becoming a better person and by giving back to The World, in addition to a Whole Slew of Other Great Things, such as writing and publishing my novel.

But Which Novel to Focus On? Oh Lourdy, who knows. I began the one about the Lonely Girl who works for a Bank and who has a Deep Crush on a Co-Worker and who Suddenly gets Kidnapped by Aliens. I like that one.

And The Other Novel I could Focus On: The Fucking Princess Handbook. Lots of my gal pals like that one. It was fun to begin. And even princesses have man trouble - did you know that? I didn't until I began to write it.

Ah yes, Man Trouble. A terrible Zone to be in. And I am in the Midst of my Own Soapy Drama/Opera. What is a good word for Drama and Opera and Man Trouble merged together? DraManOperatta. DraManOp. I will have to work on that one.

The Man I have been with does a number of things wrong. I think today my top five things that he does wrong are, and not necessarily in this order:
1. Neglects me
2. Lets me Engable him (he lets things SLIDE Downhill)
3. Has a Lack of Ambition
4. Has a Bad Temper when it escapes its cage (BEWARE)
5. At the Moment Has No Work Ethic

This might all be the same thing. I am not sure. There's got to be a word for it.

And the most amazing thing that has happened to me this year is my wonderful job. But then something incredible happened at work. They say Timing is Everything. And so it goes: I met this incredible man at work. I have developed a Deep Crush on him. So far, we haven't had to hold any Aliens at Bay trying to rob us and kidnap us, holding up as hostages, but I have managed to get his attention by doing the following (and not necessarily on purpose):

1. Flooding the women's bathroom floor causing Everyone on our floor to notice...this led to three floors' bathrooms being Shut Down. This was actually funny.

2. A string of Fires on my parent's place and having to leave work early one day. No, I did not cause these either.

3. A string of Earthquakes that he teased me about. This was not my fault though, I did not cause these.

4. Doing a great job at work.

I have noticed that this Man at Work that I have a Deep Crush on also quite possibly has a Deep Crush on me. I am not sure how deep it is. How Deep is your Love? I would like to ask him.

I do want to add that I do not cheat or have affairs. I always wait to get rid of the old one before I move on. I recently ended a friendship with a girlfriend who is having an affair with a married man whose wife has cancer. I cannot be close to someone who does this. I do not think it is right. This girlfriend is so selfish that she doesn't even notice that I quit contacting her. She does not even notice that I am strapped inside - tightly and badly - my own nightmare zone of Man Trouble. I would never cheat on my current boyfriend. And I do still love him, but Love Is Complicated. And It Does End. Sometimes badly.

Now I haven't written lately. But I am now. Now I have to Get Rid of the Old Boyfriend and Get It On with the Future New Boyfriend. It's a lot to do on my extravagant To Do List, in addition to writing a bestselling novel.

Wish Me Luck. I need it.

JOB JOB JOB!

Once again, I am writing to say that I got a JOB JOB JOB! Woo-hoo! I left my pseudo-Job that I had from mid October to Feb. 4. When I call it a pseudo-job it is because of the following reasons:

1. It began as a temporary assignment to fill in for the preceding temp who'd called it one morn, saying she'd "had it with the GM and wouldn't be back," who had been filling in for the accountant who was on maternity leave. It wasn't even supposed to have led to a permanant position.

2. After I worked my arse off brown nosing (yes, post-partum depression owing to unemployment has led to my becoming a brown noser to get work) to get this job, I realized that they were going to have even More Layoffs and the chances of me getting axed was fairly high. The company wasn't doing well and I knew it from looking at the accounts and having to uber-plan for payroll AND FROM GETTING MEAN AND NASTY CALLS FROM OTHER COMPANIES' ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE DEPARTMENTS WAITING FOR THEIR PAYMENT(S).

So on Jan 7 I received a call that a hefty high powered oil and gas company was looking for contractors, so by the time I jumped ship on Feb 4 and started at this uber-amazing oil and gas company on Feb 7, I was totally psyched.

And I have been ever since. It is an amazing experience. I am thoroughly enjoying my job for the second time in my life. (The first job I enjoyed was a telecom company when I was a property accountant.) I did not think that I would ever like my job again, but I do. It really adds value to my life. I have not given myself time or energy to write much, but I am hoping this blog post will spiral me into writing more again soon.

Job job job

After Eternal Bleakdom, Gloomdom and Doomdom (Not to mention Despair, Agony and Woebegone Pathetiqueness), I FINALLY got a job.

BUT (there is Always a butt somewhere, hopefully not MINE that smells though) now it rather looks as if I might lose it yet again.

Thus, history repeats itself. (I KNOW that so I stopped reading history books long ago.)

I just found out earlier today that I could lose this job, albeit not to my own folly.

I cannot help but think that somebody is playing a HUGE DIRTY ROTTEN SORDID Trick on me.

This is the reason I haven't blogged in a while. I have been seriously looking for a job all year long. I was laid off June 30 2009 and didn't work seriously until mid June 2010. Which was about a year of sleeping until noon with lines on my face. (I have got to get new silk pillow sheets!)

So I temped somewhere Hellish from June until July. Then I temped somewhere else Hellish from July until October. Then I temped somewhere new mid October until December 1 in which case THEY HIRED ME. JOB JOB JOB!

But now it looks like the company where they JUST HIRED ME isn't doing at all well b/c of this piss ass poor economy being on the rocks. They might lay me off in mid January.

At this point I am thinking that YES YES YES I should write a bestselling novel. But which one to finish?

I've got the baddate.com story I suppose I could finish that one.

I've got the Fucking Princess Handbook story which is pretty cool.

I've got the Alien abduction story which my writer's group liked.

Or I could MERGE them all together and save time and try to get the fucker published.

Looks like I am back to writing a lot more often now. Since this job job job isn't working out out out.

The Girl Who Got Away...

Yes. I am the Girl who got Away.

This is perhaps what Michael Folk is thinking.

And who is Michael Folk?

Well...he is YET ANOTHER INVINCIBLE EX-BOYFRIEND OF MINE WHO WANTS TO BE "FRIENDS" WITH ME ON FACEBOOK.

Yes, yes, there are SO many of them on my Facebook! LOL! It really cracks me up when I think about it! If I ever need a good laugh - which is often - I think of this fact. It's such an odd concept for me to fathom. That scads of gorgeous guys I have dated in my youth (and even most recently of 3 years ago) are my FRIENDS.

I often fantasize about sending them messages asking them something like, "What were you thinking of DUMPING me? Especially on EMAIL? I mean, how CRUEL! Oh, and by the way, I KEPT your stupid email and I send it to my girlfriends to WARN them about possibly dating you!"

Is that even possible? To be FRIENDS with exes? Even on Facebook?

Well...these days it somehow is! Who'da thought?

So, yes, I "friended" him. (What an odd concept? I wouldn't have thought that this guy, this gorgeous guy back in the day of the late 1990's who I dated, who seemed so out of reach, the cool bartender, would want to finally be friends with me? He seemed so elusive and just so bloody gorgeous.)

So yes, Michael Folk is now kicking himself in the arse wondering about me. The one who got away.

Actually, to be technical, I am pretty sure that he just stopped calling me. He was really laid back. Lackadaisacal, really. We went out a few times. He was never the Love of my Life type though.

So all that being said, I am getting the idea that a new story could be emerging from my head about ex-boyfriends on Facebook. It might have colorful phrases and stalking and dumpster diving involved. A common thread is the girl who got away - me!

Get your stiletto in the door chick lit writer contest!

I just found a great contest to share with all you other chick lit writers out there! Get your stiletto in the door chick lit writer contest! Sounds great, right?

I think so. I'm going to enter it. I'm not in Romance Writers of America. Perhaps I'll join!

The only problem I have with this is that I don't actually wear stiletto's. Ever. I can't.

It would be like putting stilettos on a milk cow and getting her to actually move in them. Is that really possible?

Can you imagine? And it's already hard to go cow-tipping, which I have done back in the heyday of my yesteryear and hearty youth (which was a long time ago since I am, after all, a QUIM - a Quirky Uncontrollable Immature Middel-aged woman)!

First of all, the milk cow would just stare at you and perhaps not budge an inch if you tried to lift up her hooves to put the stilettos on her. Then she'd moo, which is the equivalent of a laugh - mocking you perhaps. And then she'd probably change her mind at the last minute and STEP on you. Eegads! Then you'd perhaps be injured and fall back into the mud (yes, mud IS involved if you are brave enough to go out to a hayfield and find a milk cow near the barn...) and curse yourself, her, and the evil stilettos. Yikes!

Anyway, I just can't wear stilettos for almost the same reason, except for the mud and hooves part. If you tried to put them on ME, I WOULD just stare at you like a milk cow, long lashes curling, chewing my cud (or chocolate!) and laugh at you. Then I'd probably sneer and push you down into the mud or whatever else was nearby.

Three reasons I don't wear stiletto's:

1. I can't walk in stilettos because I can't MOVE in them. I'm very afraid that I will trip and fall. It's analagous to a green (and very scared) paratrooper whose job in training in whats-it man-sludge army/navy/manly-whatever-R-Us is to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. I won't jump, thus I won't walk.

2. I rock from side to side wearing stilettos. How can you walk if you are rocking and swaying uncontrollably? Not meaning to rock? I guess I could go dancing in them, but I wouldn't be able to walk onto the dance floor. I'd have to change from my sneakers into the stilettos and then rock. And then where would I be if the dance style changed to tango? In Hell?! Oh yeah!

3. I might be just way too attractive to the opposite sex and my beau might have to help me fend off all those men! Ugh! Who wants that? I already have my man, and trust me, one is plenty!

So get your stiletto in the door at this fine chick lit writer contest! And maybe one of us will win! Hurrah!

I'd like to make a living writing chick lit online

I'd like to make a living writing chick lit (or anything at this point EXCEPT accounting) online.

Yes, it's true.

I once thought about writing serious accounting stuff, but the vernacular of accounting lingo (which is Deadly Dull) combined with THINKING about something as grainymade and gritchy made my pulse slow down drastically ("Heart Stopped Beating," I bleated blandly to them), and I had to get my friends Clarabelle, Hilda, and Ermengarde to take me to ER where I wound up being JUST FINE once I saw all the HOT DOCTORS at the hospital so then my heart started pounding quickly once again.

"LIFE! There is LIFE in her again!" Squeaked Clarabelle.

"Hurrah!" Chorused Hilda and Ermengarde.

So Death Might Becomes Others who write boring wasteland mind-numbing accounting, but NOT ME!

Which is why I must be saved from my accounting abysmal nightmare, from working here in this horrid and wretched field. It's like getting lost in a haystack and not getting found by the happiest of goats who eat said hay.

I am lost and I will write and write and write until I get paid enough to retire from accounting permanently.

The latest chick flick I've seen

I just saw Eat, Pray, Love. It is incredibly inspiring, plus I LOVE any chick flick with Julia Roberts. The story makes me want to go to Italy instantly. I'd like to find the rustic beauty of the scenery where the heroine stayed, the intense beauty of the food, the glorious food of which the heroine ate. Pure pleasure!

How we get such pleasure from food! The color of it, the density of it all...the joy of it. The tastebuds going to a party!

It is now my fave chick flick of the year. I see a LOT of chick flicks. I get lost in stories.

When Sex and The City 2 came out I saw it. I feel like I have lived Sex and The City. With all my dating traumas and pleasures of it all.

EPL makes me want to travel even more than I already have. It makes me want to write more than I already have. It makes me want to live more than I already have.

And that is why it is such a wonderful story and movie.

Enough said for now.