CLICK! CRACKLE! SPURTLE! vibrates my cell phone.
FINALLY!
"Hallo!" I spit into the receiver of my cell phone.
Yes, I have been ON HOLD for FORTY-FIVE FUCKING MINUTES with the Unemployment People Who Unfortunately Smirk Silently (UPWUSS) BUT I CAN HEAR IT OVER THE PHONE!
Yes, I CAN! I KNOW that they are silently smugly conspicuously laughing at me, an Unemployed Accountant At Large.
"Yes, Mrs. XXX, how may I help you?" A solidly bass voice erupts coyly. I feel him smirking, this supercilious UPWUSS.
It pisses me off, quite frankly.
"I'd like to talk to someone about getting my unemployment again..."
"YESH? How may I help you?" He says, grinning in that awful tone again.
"Can you help me please?" I say, loudly but nicely. I quell my pissyness tone as much as possible.
"Well, that depends, Mrs. XXX, 'Can' denotes am I able to. Did you mean to use the word 'May' instead? Of course I may help you, if that is -"
"YES, Puhleaze, MAY you help me?" AND CAN YOU SHOVE THIS FUCKING TELEPHONE RECEIVER UP YOUR TIDY-WHITE UPWUSS-Y ASS??? CAN YOU??? HUH, HUH, HUH???
Jesus. How much more of this CAN I take?
I just want my unemployment back after losing my shitty two week temp job, for crying out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More to come later regarding being on hold with my mortgage company and asking to speak to someone who has not swapped their soul to satan.
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