Crank Calls, Inner Beauty, and QUIMs…OH MY!

Girls Nite In: Went to S’s house (I call her Insatiable because she likes Dirty Spanish Soap Operas and even eats cheesecake during her DSS Opera viewing and then she has The Big O’s – women ARE good at Multi-Tasking!) and hung out with her and T (And I call her Titular, thus dubbed because she likes to imitate Fat Bastard by licking her finger and using it to touch her tits while screeching raucously with much-o laughter, dancing Halleluiah, yes, all this while downing Tequila); we thus drank a lot of Corona’s, ate meat pizza and creamy dip and Tortilla chips, and then made dirty crank phone calls to tons of men including my boyfriend, several other guy friends, my older sister who has a fantastic sense of humor, and my older sister’s ex-boyfriend who has this crazy bat-shit sense of humor (who was out at a biker bar drinking heavily and had the greatest time teasing Insatiable back). Oh yeah AND we also crank called Titular’s soon-to-be evil ex-husband, the reason we three got together tonight: To Celebrate Titular’s Wedding Anniversary. (See my preceding blog in which I need to invent a new word that means celebrating anniversaries of relationships gone awry. Still have that on my ever evolving To Do List.)

Such a Girlina Thing to do.

Crank Calls.

But it was a Helluva Lotta Fun.

I have reasonably decided to dub us, such that we are, a mad raving lunatic fun quirky trio: QUIMs.

QUIM = Quirky Uncontrollable Immature Middle-aged women.

Yep. That’s what we are. I haven’t told Insatiable and Titular this yet, but I’ll wait another wild night when we are all drunk again to break the news to them what we are. QUIMs.

As opposed to MILF’s and…

Cougars. I recently have attended a Cougar birthday party BTW. Scary, her sons’ friends think she’s hot. She has three sons, all in their twenties.

Yup. She IS hot. But her sons don’t like their friends hanging conspicuously OR inconspicuously all over their mom. (Suddenly, am recoiling again at the scene in American Pie where Stifler’s mom screws his friend.)

Of course MY MOM is also Hot. But she is more than just Hot.

She often asks us: “How can I be so HOT and COOL at the same time?”

We adore her and reiterate all the time that she IS beautiful. We love her. All this time, all my life, all my friends have loved her. And my dad as well. They are the greatest parents ever. They let me know that I have Inner Beauty.

My mother. She’s awesome. Who else would raise three daughters to believe that they are beautiful on the inside, more important than the outside? My mom.

But I digress…back to being a QUIM. It’s not the greatest thing…

But I guess it’s better than being a Coyote Ugly, where he’s so ugly that you’d rather gnaw off your arm to escape the Bad One Nite Stand because you had Beer Goggles the night before and right now you’ve just had a real LOOK at the guy in bed and you just want to disappear but realize you have to lose your arm to escape before HE wakes up. Since he’s lying on your arm.

Ugh.

Bad One Nite Stands? Been there, done that.

Gnawing off my arm? Hell no. I like food too much and I’ll suffer the discourse of roughing the Morning After Scene to make sure that I QUIMMISHLY keep both my arms to continue to shovel lovely food into my mouth, without any trouble, thank you very much!

It helps having so much Inner Beauty!

Thanks, Mom!

And now…back to writing on my Chick Lit/Paranormal/Comedy/Thriller/Murder Mystery novel!