Viagra Spam-A-Lotta and Vibrators

So this is completely random and hellarious to me: Lately I’ve been asked by two of my girlfriends (whose names will be unmentioned, but for the sake of obscurity and FUN, let’s call them VeriLicious and SimplyDivine) to purchase VIBRATORS for them.

The following flow of word vibrate and ebb effervescently in my brain: anonymity, online, Dr. Ruth’s fave toys, and SPAM.

I surmise - and rightly so - that these two friends are both living in suspenseful situations of Close Cloistered Quarters in which they will be discovered by members of their family if they surreptitiously purchase said items on the internet. They perhaps feel that it would be sticky and sordid for them if they got caught.

Now why would that really be a BAD thing to be discovered buying necessary sexual devices on the internet?

Wouldn’t it be much worse to be discovered buying poison, or ingredients to make Meth, or other unmentionables?

My Serial Killer In Transit (SKIT) character in my Chick Lit novel would perhaps buy some lethal type of poison such as arsenic or certain gun-making parts of miasmatic, caustic destruction. If she got caught, she’d have Hell and Trauma to pay. (And the FBI’s already after her, but that’s altogether another story.)

Me? I don’t mind purchasing two vibrators for my gal pals. Notta problem. I’d Love to do it!

Why? It’s not like I’m worried about getting spammed from any more sexually explicit emails. I’m already SPAMMED A LOTTA from those vigilante vacuous vapid Viagra emails (BOY ARE THEY EVER PERSISTENT. Marketing aficionados they are NOT because they do not realize I am still in the prime of my life, female, and in NO need of Viagra – I actually need something to calm my libido and to quell it and make it wither and whimper obsequiously back into its pious and perfunctory corner.)

The next step in this adventurous ancillary jaunt will be to discover what wild, woolly and wonderful type of vibrator to get for my gal pals.

Will it be The Rabbit, which one of my other gal pals (let’s call her Marvelous) owns and loves? I think a company called Babeland makes it, they perhaps saw a sprightly spike in their sales when Charlotte on Sex & The City wouldn’t leave her apartment because of this lovely gadget. (Her friends had to rescue her from her bliss.)

So looks like I’ll be spending some marvelous, simply divine and very delicious time reviewing vibrators online. Hurrah for that! Yay me!