So WTF is a META Tag anyway? and other Internet Marketing Foibles…

I just want to hire some nice mild-mannered computer geek who can build me an empire to make millions blogging on the internet.

Okay *REALITY NOW PLACED PLACIDLY IN CHECK* I just want to hire some computer geek (who doesn’t have to be NICE or even particularly mild-mannered, albeit having a personality is optional and would be rather nice) who can help me get some traffic to my Chick Lit blog and show me the ropes/solution/logic to this marketing madness so that I can replicate this internet ideology on my futurama blogs.

Someone who knows about META tags and what-not. And, NO, you QUIMs back there in the Peanut Gallery acting persnickety, that’s NOT META standing for:

Murky Erotic Train-wrecked Assholes

or for

Men Eating Taffy Asshats

or for

Miles of Elephants Trumpeting Agog

or anything whatsoever quirky or silly like that. And stop throwing your peanut shells on the floor!

META?

Well, does it stand for:

Milkdud Eating Twits Asplender?

Meat Eaters Transgender Aplomb?

Mannish Elves Twiddling Aloud?

Millisecond Ever-ready Twitter Absorption?

Marketing Etcetera Twats Aging?

Millicent Elvira Tweets Alot?

Monsters Effervescently Twaddling Altogether-now?

Mountains of Evolution Twatting About?

Mrs. eHow Taunts-a-lot Again?

I’m not even sure myself really what a META tag is!

After all, I’m just a Jobless Wonder and QUIM (Quirky Uncontrollable Immature Middle-aged Woman) who has read more than her fair share of internet jargon, enough to make those back in the Peanut Gallery snigger, snarl, and smirk. Enough to make the irascible lesbian morph into a Transgender Transyberian Transylvanian and grow her own penis. (Must admit have been reading too much about Sony Bono and Cher’s daughter-turned-transgender-now-son, Chaz. Well good for him, to thine own self be true and all that!)

BTW – I’m NOT on Twitter and I STILL have NO clue as to what that is…but Don’t Even Get Me Started…and NO, I have NO idea how to Twat, Twit, Tweet, Twiddle, Twaddle, Twort, Twout, Twonder, Twondle, or the like. AND I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! (People keep asking me if I Twitter. I have a lot of sharp retorts to that. I finally succumbed to Facebook and THAT was bad enough. It will take me a while to Twitter. Someone will have to seduce me. Possibly with LOADS of chocolate.)

Wonder if I should put an advertisement on Craiglist for internet marketing help or at one of those coffee shops where I hang out pilfering swarthy, swaggering (and staggering!) amounts of my once semi-precious time?

Thank you for reading! Enjoy your day and have a terrific Thanksgiving!